Cross romance

I wake up in the middle of the night. I have psyched myself into such a state that I just can't go back to sleep. Thinking back over the years, everything started with a size 32A bra.

It happened on one morning when I just turned 13. In my locked bedroom, I clipped on a flimsy unpadded white cotton bra. I knew that I didn't need to wear one but I had been donning it occasionally since the age of nine, shortly after my mum left dad for another man.

I didn't know what went wrong between my parents. When they were still together so to speak, they were rarely home at the same time. They told me that they had dinner parties to attend, but apparently not together. I had no idea what mum did for a living, but she had lots and lots of very pretty dresses and she surely looked beautiful in them. When she went away, she left some unwanted clothes behind. At the time, I wondered if I was among the unwanted things in her life.

Dad told our amah to throw all mum's things into the bin but I secretly retrieved them, including that bra, and I had kept everything for myself. Her clothes were way too big for me but I secretly tried them at home. The amah caught me once and thought it was hilarious. But I told myself that I must be more careful in the future and I only wore them again behind my locked bedroom door.

I supposed that I shouldn't blame mum for leaving. Right after she disappeared, another woman joined dad in bed and they were soon married. I found out that she wore 34C. To me, she looked really clumsy on top!

Not long after they were married, I got kicked out of the house. I assumed that she considered me a bloody stumbling block. So I ended up living with my grandparents and they spoiled me rotten. Dad came about once or twice a month, sometime with that hateful woman in tow, to bring money and an occasional unwanted toy.

Well, enough of the background shit.

I remembered that it was a very special day, because I planned to wear a bra to school for the first time.